Gone Fishing: The Great Debate (or, How I Nearly Drowned in a Jim Beam Decanter)

Gone Fishing: The Great Debate (or, How I Nearly Drowned in a Jim Beam Decanter)

It all started innocently enough—coffee with my sister. I love my sister, but bless her heart; she could talk the ears off a cornstalk. That morning, her weapon of choice was cream. "Enough to float a donut," she quipped, eyeing my black coffee like a swamp creature.

I, ever the instigator, couldn't resist a little poke: "Coffee with your cream?"

She rolled her eyes, a gesture I'd seen more times than a fisherman's lure.  Then, she swerved into a monologue about a coffee sale as if on cue.

Knowing I was about to be dragged down a conversational rabbit hole, I threw out my line: "Something's been bothering me. Maybe you could help me figure it out?"

Hook, line, and sinker.

I told her about my significant other's uncanny ability to vanish mid-sentence, like a magician, but with less pizzazz and more disappearing acts.

"Early dementia?" I ventured.

"Nah," she said dismissively, "more like a hearing issue."

But as I recounted tales of unanswered questions and ignored ice cream scoop inquiries, she remained unconvinced.

By now, I was sure we were headed down a conversational river with no end in sight. And that's when Elvis entered the building. Well, not the Elvis, but a Jim Beam decanter shaped like him. My sister, ever the gracious host, offered me a "shot" in my coffee. Desperate times, desperate measures, right?

With each sip, the conversation grew more...fluid. We meandered through childhood hearing tests, teacher complaints, and a husband who could rival a ninja in the art of kids not hearing.  I was lost in a sea of words, and Elvis was starting to look a little blurry.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of fishing for answers, my sister dropped the bomb: "Selective hearing loss."

It's not contagious but more common than a bad pun at a dad joke convention.

As I gazed at Elvis, I realized I'd been thoroughly reeled in.  At least the company was good, and the coffee had a certain...kick to it.  And that, my friends, is how I learned about selective hearing loss, courtesy of my sister, a Jim Beam decanter, and a whole lot of caffeine.

Moral of the story: Sometimes, the most enlightening conversations happen when you least expect them. And when in doubt, add a little Elvis to your coffee.